I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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