Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
