the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
