I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
