u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
