You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
