Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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