you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
We need a shit load of segways right now
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
