You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
foreskin is a definite game changer
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize