I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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