And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize