We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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