you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
