So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
My liver just had a heart attack.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
