There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
