so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize