I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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