Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Sext me about skeletons
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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