is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
