i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
