just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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