I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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