I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
