Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
