i don't like sucking hair
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
