When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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