Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
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