i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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