ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
