i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
