i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
