Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
