Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
