k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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