I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Randomize