I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
