I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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