omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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