If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
