I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
We need to get me chipped asap
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
