I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
