please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
