My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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