and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
