The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
