when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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