I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
