I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
