Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
