well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
How does it feel to date your dad?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
