I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
