If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
