i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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