We won't sleep together?
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
