I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Randomize
