I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
