you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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