we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
