the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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