i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
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