Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
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