I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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