Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
