I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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