just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
