he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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