It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
