do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
