i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
