dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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