i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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