toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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