Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize