Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
