you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
