she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
