i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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