Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
He better not be in your backpack
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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