Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
he's gonorrhea incarnate
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize