sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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