How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
