just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
