some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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