I like to think it a success when the cops are called
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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