Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
