Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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