Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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