It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
