Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
