I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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