you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
