Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
