just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
