Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
