i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
