Just cropdusted the office
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
