Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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