thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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