Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
