you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
