Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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