I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
