between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
