Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
