hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
