Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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