dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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