it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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